I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
