I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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