he wants to bone in the snuggie
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
