His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
