I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
