just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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