I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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