booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
