i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
