out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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