If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
