"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
