I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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