I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
