I want to make a zoo with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
