I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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