Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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