What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
