My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
