I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
