Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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