Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
