Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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