I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
