I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shame is for Republicans.
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