i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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