I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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