I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do herpes really smell.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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