you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
