After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
