I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
