when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
