Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
