Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
