That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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