I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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