I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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