don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
