I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
