He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
