Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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