how can u be prego again
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
