Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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