Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
