She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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