just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
