That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
