vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He passed out mid-signature
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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