Well apparently he's into motor boating.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you will always have a special place in my vag
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
