put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are we still banned from the library?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
