my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
