"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
